Marriage Reset

Archive for the ‘For Women’ Category

If you are finding yourself saying, “I still love my ex” then you have to figure out what you want to happen next. It is only natural for there to be some residual love hanging around. After all, the two of you shared some special times together and were able to get close. The closeness and love is not easily broken completely. Does the love that is still there mean that you want to get back the one you love? When you say, “I still love my ex” what does that mean?

When someone says “I still love my ex” it is a really good sign because, first of all, it means that there was some love there to begin with. That love was a gift that isn’t easily taken away. There will still be a fondness there and there will be a lot to remember from the marriage or relationship. Much of it will be good memories. Just because there is love still lingering doesn’t mean that you are bound to get back together or that it should even happen. You do need to be asking yourself, “I still love my ex, but do I want my ex back?” If you look at it closely and with a chance to step back and ponder it, you will be more able to see if the two of you are meant to be together.

If you have been able to figure out that your statement, “I still love my ex” is due to just a remaining fondness then don’t feel any need to push it in one direction or another. Just go with the flow. What will happen is that the two of you will either drift away or you will remain friends for a long time. That could be something special on it’s own and something few have. Good friends are hard to find.

If, by saying, “I still love my ex”, you mean that you want to get back together with them, then you have to be willing to do some work. You need to first see if the other person has an interest in getting back together with you. This will happen naturally because, like with the above advice, it will happen naturally. Just don’t push it one way or the other and you will tell if the feeling is mutual. When the two of you decide that you want to try again, be ready to work.

If this was a marriage that failed, seek marriage counseling. No matter what kind of relationship it was, though, seek relationship advice from someone trained to do so who can help the two of you build back stronger what had fallen apart. Obviously there were mistakes made and the two of you were incapable of handling it on your own. If you had been getting counseling before, find someone different to get it from. The two of you will need a fresh start and someone that will help the two of you make the relationship stronger.

If you find yourself saying “Help! I still love my ex!” there isn’t any need to panic. Just let things take their course naturally at first and then seek help to get it on the right path. The momentum you two make on your own will make the guidance easier. Before you know it, you won’t be saying, “I love my ex,”  but you will be saying “I’m in love!”

Relationship counseling is often a last resort for couples on the brink of divorce.  But some couples try counseling early on when the first problems rear their heads. Counseling is certainly something that a couple shouldn’t be afraid to try, even if the problems are relatively minor.  Often, catching small problems early with counseling can prevent bigger problems down the road.  Early counseling can even something prevent a future divorce.

Today’s couples seem more eager to try to new things, which makes counseling a good option.  Couples married years ago seem less likely to go for counseling or try new approaches, perhaps because it wasn’t something commonly done when they were younger. Very often marriages of 30 or 40 years now end in divorce, which is a shame because they’ll never know if relationship counseling could have helped save the marriage.

If you feel like you need relationship counseling, be sure to ask your partner to go to counseling with you in a non-judgmental way.  If you ask him or her to go to counseling in such a way as it seems like you are accusing them of being the problem and needing counseling, you’re likely to encounter resistance to the idea.  Try to make it clear that you want the counseling for yourself if nothing else.

If you ask your partner to go to counseling because you have some issues you need to work on, they’re more likely to view the idea favorably.  Explain that you think you need some help to be able to contribute more to the relationship, and to learn how to be a better partner or spouse.  Don’t accuse the other person of need counseling.  Even if you believe that they are most of the problem, don’t say so.  Once you’re in relationship counseling, they will learn tips and techniques for being better within the relationship, just as you will.

Don’t be afraid to suggest relationship counseling, whether you’ve been in the relationship for 3 months, 3 years or two decades.  It’s never too late to try counseling to resolve problems.  And it’s never too late to try to keep small problems from becoming big ones. If the relationship is relatively new, you might think that you’re admitting to problems and admitting that the relationship is rocky by suggesting counseling.  But that’s not true.  But facing any obstacles now, you’re making the relationship stronger in the long run.

If your partner believes that your suggestion of relationship counseling means that the relationship isn’t perfect, and maybe even is doomed, calmly explain that that isn’t true.  Just because you’re willing to admit that everything is perfect shows that you’re willing to make necessary changes to keep the other person and yourself happy.

If your partner refuses, go on your own.  While the counseling would work best if both of you go, you can go and work on things to improve yourself. If your partner sees you going to relationship counseling, they’re more likely to give it a try.